It's official. I'm a control freak!

I am a control freak.

Actually, I've kind of always suspected I was a control freak, but I've been able to hide it.

For instance, I prefer to drive rather than riding in the passenger's seat. I have hidden this fact with carsickness. I actually really do get carsick pretty bad, and even if I got carsick first thing in the morning I would still be feeling miserable throughout the entire day. But, aside from that, I prefer to drive, or else I go insane if the person who is driving doesn't brake when I would, or doesn't slow down as much as I think they should.

And nothing would ever prepare me for how much I need to control everything in Ryleigh's life. Today was a prime example. We went out to eat and I decided to take a break from feeding Ryleigh, so I made Ryan sit next to her high chair. And guess what happened? I spent the entire meal either telling him what food to give her, or just reaching (very rudely) across him to put stuff on her plate! I just could not reliquish the control even though I really did want a break from the feeding responsibilities!

Of course, part of that stems from the fact that for the first few months of her life, while I was exclusively breast feeding, I was in control and I guess I got used to be the only one who could feed her. Then, add to that the fact that doctors are concerned about her weight, and I am the only one who went to every doctor visit, read every book, and heard every bit of advice.... so, I kinda feel like I am the only one capable of making the right food choices.

I think in the next 24 weeks I really need to work on allowing Ryan to help me with Ryleigh, and to trust that he knows how to care for her just as well as I do.
And if I don't learn that lesson I am certainly going to have a rough time juggling 2 babies, and myself!

So, here's to a swift self-improvement!