This is probably a pretty deep blog for 8 a.m. but this is my favorite time of day and I need to sort my thoughts.
This whole moving thing has really shaken me. Not simply because of the disappointment of not having a house, but because I really thought I was finally catching a break.
The way that everything worked out for the house, how we got the money for the security deposit, and the money for the rent.... it seemed to all fall into place. I thought it was God working. It was all good, and God is good, so I thought for sure it was Him. But then the rug got pulled out from under us.
So now I am struggling. I am doubting my ability to hear and see God. I feel completely lost because at a time when I thought He was directing us we got lead down a dead end path.
I know everything works together for good.... eventually. But I realized last night that it could be 10 years from now when we finally realize why this happened. But what will I be feeling before then? I'm scared of how much it will affect my faith.
I'm trying to keep the faith. I'm trying to hope for something positive. But, right now I just feel disappointment, loss, and confusion. Just keep praying that I can overcome all the doubt going on in my head
2 comments:
thank the Lord that it was only a house cayla--you all have your health, your jobs, a place to live and a large, loving, supportive family. this may seem awful, but there are things that are far worse.
Yeah, I know. I am trying to be thankful that we at least still have a roof over our heads!
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