Saturday, December 18, 2010

Just some thoughts

So I started a new part-time position this week. It's still a work at home thing through Educate Online. It's still very part-time, (ie. 5 hours a week). However, it's a kind of make your own schedule thing, where I squeeze in some work when I'm not busy. It all sounds easy and wonderful right? That's what I thought too, but now I'm just completely stressed.

Not only do I work in the evenings so I miss out on dinner with my family, cuddle time on the couch with my Ry's before bed, and putting Ryleigh to bed, but by time I finish working Ryan's pretty much asleep so now we don't have anytime alone time together. Not to mention the fact that I am busy all day with being a mom/housekeeper, plus working in the evenings, and now any "free" time I used to have needs to be filled with my second job.

And I feel so selfish that I'm upset about this. My husband works so hard to provide for his family, who am I to complain about 16 hours of work each week? Plus we want to buy a house, and shouldn't I contribute financially toward that goal?

Except that I'm supposed to be a stay at home mom, and what kind of SAHM isn't even around for dinner and bedtime? I feel so guilty missing out on those things because they are the only times we're all together as a family.

And Ryan did not push me to pick up a second job at all. It was totally me, because I thought it would be a good opportunity. Now I am totally regretting the decision! ::sigh::

The only thing I'm looking forward to is maternity leave in 12 weeks.

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